The Winds of Life Create Body Disconnection

Can you hear me now? Can you hear me now? My house is in an area that doesn’t pick up the cell signal well on some days, especially if it’s windy, I will have to change rooms or even go outside in hopes of connecting with whoever is on the other end. The same unstable connection can be true of moms or anyone really who stops listening to their needs. Just like my spotty cell connection on windy days, we can lose connection with our bodies when the winds of life start blowing strong. What has caused your connection to weaken or maybe disconnect fully? Marriage struggles, kids, and demands at work are requirements on our time and energy. If we don’t recognize the limitations we have as humans it’s easy to just keep pushing through reaching for that break that never comes. 

The Wind of Kids

The day starts with kids' needs before you can even pause to think about what you need, much less want. Feedings, diaper changes, a demanding school or sports schedule. All of this can make you question your life choices for sure! Freeing up time allows for you to listen to your needs more. Here’s a few valuable questions to ask to best connect with yourself in this busy stage.

• Can my husband take over one task or a specific timeframe of the day to free up time for me? Reading time could become his task on certain days of the week or dinner clean up.  Get creative and build in time for yourself in small bursts.

• Do I need to get to bed earlier? How can I make that happen? Maybe move tasks to earlier in the day or skip something all together. Does bath time truly have to happen every night?

• Is there something I’m holding too tight that I could let someone else do?  Maybe a neighbor could pick up an older kid from school or carpool for practices.  

• Are my household standards too high for this stage of life? This can be a hard one, but I’m here to tell you the quicker you can let go of the perfect house and embrace the people in the house, the happier you will be.

• Am I overfunctioning for my kids because I want the best for them? Another difficult question because most of us do want the best for our kids, but we must remember that this life is theirs. We are raising kids into their strengths not ours. The more we help when they are capable, the less confident they feel to handle the demands of life. 
  

The Wind of Marriage Struggles

All marriages go through times of stress, even if you do the premarital counseling and all the right preparation. So what can you do if you suddenly find your marriage in need of some attention, maybe serious attention? 

• Lean into your husband and what you loved about him in the beginning. Is there anything left of what drew you to him? Maybe a remnant of that quirky, funny or spontaneous personality. Whatever it was, try to notice it and lean in.  

• Seek counseling. Marriage counseling may be helpful, but for sure seek counseling for yourself. This will give clarity to you and in the event that you need to make major decisions, you will have support and confidence to move forward.  
  

• Start paying attention to what your body needs and enjoys. The wonderful benefits of marriage can and should be enjoyable. If sex isn’t enjoyable or you see it as a man's need, I would really search out why you feel this way. The female body is truly amazing and digging into how God made you and how you can enjoy your body is so freeing! Check out these resources:

• Are my thoughts contributing to the disconnection? Are they negative or untrue and thereby causing static in my connection with myself, my spouse or God?

The Wind of Work Demands

The demands of work are real and it’s important to connect with yourself even while you are working. Working in a way that honors your body, needs and limitations is key to maintaining your own health and wellness. This can be a huge struggle if you work in a service job like healthcare or teaching. These careers are demanding and carry with them the idea of a “calling” to do the job. Some employers will use that to inflict false guilt on employees if they don’t go above and beyond the job description. 

• Boundaries in these scenarios are extremely important. Going into a job with a set of boundaries that you are willing to uphold will serve you well. If you find yourself in a situation where you have been taken advantage of and you want to get control back, start by saying no to something small that you would normally say yes to. Live in the uncomfortableness for a few days and see how it goes. Most likely nothing will happen and you will have more peace and time by setting a boundary.

As you begin to make choices to reconnect with yourself I pray that you will find joy and connection with others as well! Remember, life doesn’t ever slow down. We have to create the space to slow down in the middle of the chaos.